My name is Speyder Webb, though most people who know me call me “Spidey.” I identify as a gay trans man when I’m educating and engaging in community events; otherwise, I am simply a man. As a community advocate, I care deeply about the health and well-being of the TLGBQ+ community and our allies.

To answer the question, “What is it like to be a trans man?”—it isn’t easy, especially when you’re not fully seen as a man.

Growing up without the internet made it difficult to find others like me or even language to describe how I felt. I only knew that I was uncomfortable in my female body, rejecting it like a square peg forced into a round hole. Even after multiple surgeries, I still experience dysphoria. Surgery can change your body, but it doesn’t silence the internal voice when you hear yourself speak or look in the mirror.

What makes it harder is living in a community where others have watched your transition yet still don’t treat you as an equal. Gay men, for example, sometimes fail to see me as a man, even though I have the same body parts. That’s one reason I left Wilton Manors for Miami.

At the same time, I’ve found joy in moments of true recognition. Whether traveling, speaking at events, or even relaxing at Haulover Beach, it feels affirming when strangers call me “Sir” or “Papi,” treating me like any other gay man or hairy bear. I want to be approached as a man, not as a fetish. Sometimes I need to leave my local community to experience that acceptance.

The hardest part of being a gay trans man is often accepting myself. Even now, I fight the inner voice that whispers, “You’re not a man because you were born female.” But I remind myself that acceptance is something even cis men struggle with.

My final words are these: be true to yourself. Treat your body as a temple, inside and out. Use self-affirmations. And remember, anyone who doesn’t respect you doesn’t deserve your breath or your presence.