In today’s hyper-connected, social media-driven world, snark often passes for currency. A clever jab on Facebook, a sarcastic aside at work — these quick hits of wit may draw laughs in the moment, but they come at a real cost: our own well-being.
Sarcasm is easy, attention-grabbing, and a quick way to establish superiority. But while it may feel satisfying in the moment, research suggests that indulging in snark erodes trust, damages relationships, and deepens the sense of division that already marks so much of modern life. Politeness, by contrast, is not just a social lubricant — it’s a foundation for personal happiness.
The temptation is obvious: When provoked, our instinct is often to snap back. But what if, instead, we chose to respond with deliberate courtesy? I’ve practiced this myself — not out of forced politeness, but curiosity. The first few times I held back a sarcastic reply or defused a tense exchange with calm, I felt... lighter. The momentary cost in perceived boldness was more than paid back in calm — and, oddly, pleasure.
Rudeness isn’t just unpleasant — it takes a measurable toll on our well-being. But... politeness? That’s unconventional these days. In fact, it’s rebellious. It’s that rare thing that feels punk: choosing to remain civil when others shout obscenities is about as bold as it gets.
The best part: it’s liberating. You reclaim control. You say: “I’m not bound to mirror your incivility.” And in that refusal, happiness roots itself.
That doesn’t mean politeness comes easily. Courtesy requires effort, especially today. In political debates, workplace disagreements, or family arguments, it’s often easier to score points with a barbed comment than to respond with patience or empathy. Yet by choosing civility, we protect not just the dignity of others, but also our own peace of mind.
Politeness is not about being bland or suppressing your opinions. It’s about recognizing the humanity of the person across from us — even when we disagree. Small acts of respect can disarm hostility, open space for dialogue, and create conditions where understanding is possible.
Try it today. In the face of snark, choose kindness. You’re not surrendering. You’re asserting something deeper: that the person you want to be is courteous, even when it’s hard.
The stakes are high. We live in a cultural moment where contempt has been normalized, where sarcasm too often passes for substance. But if we want stronger relationships, healthier workplaces, and a less divided society, we have to resist the easy reward of snark.
These choices may not earn applause, but they build something more enduring: respect, trust, and happiness.
A writer and media strategist, and lifelong resident of South Florida, Cliff Dunn is the former Executive Editor of the Florida Agenda newspaper, Mark magazine, and Guy Magazine.
