My boss keeps making little gay jokes here and there. Nothing super offensive or anything, but I really don’t like it, but I also feel like we’re living in really weird times and I don’t want to make it awkward or worse end up on his bad side and get fired. What should I do?
Dear reader,
It’s a tale as old as time, or at least as old as straight men who think they’re being “cool” by cracking gay jokes. Death by a thousand microaggressions may not seem like a big deal, but it is. Even if they’re not outright slurs, you still have the right to set boundaries in your workplace, even if it’s with your boss. I understand the fear of rocking the boat. It can be turned around on you to make it seem like you’re the villain, but I think you can find a balance that allows you to stand up for yourself without giving your boss a reason to turn it into a hostile situation.
If your boss is a decent guy, try a subtle redirect. If it keeps happening, and he won’t read the room, then try a private check in with him and communicate that while you understand it isn’t meant to be hurtful, the jokes aren’t hitting. If he doubles down, well, that tells you everything you need to know about the place you work, and you’re going to have to make some tough choices. If it were me, I wouldn’t go peacefully. I would set my boundaries loud and clear and understand the consequences that may come from that decision.
“If you are silent about your pain, they’ll kill you and say you enjoyed it.” – Zora Neale Hurston
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John Porter is a founding partner at Oasis Asset Management, contributing writer at OutSFL, and an aspiring novelist. He has worked as a community organizer, political strategist, campaign director, and has volunteered and held leadership positions for a variety of community non-profits. His work approaches serious subjects with curiosity, irreverence, and a sense of humor. Join him daily on Threads @johnporter13
The advice offered in this column is intended for informational purposes only. Use of this column is not intended to replace or substitute any financial, medical, legal, or other professional advice.
