I have been married to my husband for nearly 20 years now and as you might think things have gone a little stale, but that’s not why I’m writing.

For all these years, I have never really been able to share what I really want. I know my husband is bored with me and probably secretly really wants to be open, but we have always said we wouldn’t do that because we were always afraid it would break us up, and I guess what makes me sad is that I have a kink that I think probably would help, but I am just too scared to say it out loud. I want to tell my husband that I want to be cucked. I want to watch other men have sex with him. I know it's something that happens, but I can’t get the courage to say it out loud.

Dear Closet Cuck,

Kink can be a challenging topic to discuss, even in the gay community. Many of us harbor secrets about our deepest desires, convinced that no one else could possibly share or understand them. But the thing is, everyone has their own kinks, and there is no shame in that. When we think about talking about kinks and sharing them with our partners, especially long-term partners, we are faced with a wall of fear-fear of rejection and fear of shame. These secrets are the roots of that fear and shame. The only way to free yourself is to own it and know that there is nothing wrong with what you find sexually fulfilling.

As queer people, we grow in a heteronormative world that often shames anything outside the confines of the beige sex of conservatism. We’re burdened with shame from a young age. Your task now is to reclaim yourself from that shame and to be honest about what gets you hot. You’re not hurting anyone, and you’re not doing anything wrong. You should feel no shame about your desires. If you can talk to your partner about what this experience would mean for you, I think you will find that he may not mind indulging your fantasy. He wants a new horse to ride, and you want to watch. Seems like a good match.

Don’t be afraid to let your kink flag fly. The sooner you push aside the fear and shame, the sooner you can fully enjoy the full spectrum of your sexual pleasure.