My Mother Was Not Invited to a Wedding. Should I Go Anyway? Help! | Advice

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I was invited to a wedding for a family member, but my mother wasn’t invited. I want to attend, but I’m afraid if my mother finds out that she will be crushed.

There is a long history within the family of why she isn’t invited, and I understand the bride’s decision, but I feel caught in the middle. Should I go?


Dear Conflicted,

In families, there are always tough dynamics, especially around big events like a wedding. When you add in an outsider bride, things can get really spicy. If you know why the bride didn’t invite your mother, then you have to trust that this is their day to celebrate however they want with whoever they want, and the bride and groom don’t owe anyone an explanation. Not telling your mother that you’re attending is pre-loading a tense situation for the future. You can avoid that by telling your mother that you were invited and that you plan to attend. If she behaves inappropriately after learning this, then you will be reminded of why she wasn’t invited in the first place. She may confront the bride and groom or throw a tantrum, but you are not responsible for your mother, her behavior, or her relationships with other people. Don’t miss out on an important life moment of someone you love to coddle your mother.

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John Porter is an entrepreneur and founding partner at Oasis Asset Management. He has served as a political organizer and strategist within the Democratic Party, as well as serving as an executive board member for the Miami Yacht Club.

The advice offered in this column is intended for informational purposes only. Use of this column is not intended to replace or substitute any financial, medical, legal, or other professional advice.


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