I have a good job, I stay in shape, I’m active, I have a good circle of friends, I don’t think I’m ugly, but I get dumped a lot. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong, but I’ve been through all the apps and I feel so depressed. Am I ever going to find my person? I have gone through so many first dates, one-night stands and being ghosted, and it’s exhausting.

Dear Exhausted Dating Carousel,

Step one, deep breath. Modern dating is exhausting, and anyone who says otherwise is lying or has been in a relationship since the reign of the razor flip phone. You’re not alone in feeling like you’re doing “everything right” but still hitting a wall.

Let’s take a little inventory: you’ve got a good job, you stay in shape, you have friends, and you don’t think you’re ugly (I love humble confidence). In the words of Paris Hilton, “That’s hot.” On paper, you sound like a catch. Some things you might want to consider – are there any commonalities with the people you’re choosing? Emotionally unavailable, commitment-phobic, or flaky people. Look for patterns in the type of guys you’re drawn to, and ask yourself if they’re truly capable of giving you what you want.

If you are finding yourself having a lot of one night only sex, ask yourself how you’re presenting yourself. Are you leading with depth or just physical chemistry? Are your interactions focused on short-term attraction or long-term compatibility? Take some stock internally, but trust that I do believe there is a peanut butter to every jelly. You will find your person, but it won’t come from swiping yourself into oblivion or forcing connection out of exhaustion. It will happen when you start doing things that bring you joy and when you align yourself with the right kind of energy.

Step back from the apps, say yes to new experiences, and be intentional about whom you invest time in and make sure beyond the topical checklist of your “catch” items, you’re in a place where someone will want to emotionally invest in you.

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John Porter is an entrepreneur and founding partner at Oasis Asset Management. He has served as a political organizer and strategist within the Democratic Party, as well as serving as an executive board member for the Miami Yacht Club.

The advice offered in this column is intended for informational purposes only. Use of this column is not intended to replace or substitute any financial, medical, legal, or other professional advice.