I’m a gay man. I have been out since my early 20s.

In high school I dated girls but never any serious kind of way and I have never had any kind of physical relationship with a woman. I’m now in my late 40s and I think I am losing my mind. I have recently met a woman as friends, but I think I have a crush on her. She knows I am gay, and we have never had any kind of intimate relationship, but the more time we spend together, the more I have these feelings that I don’t know what to do with. I’m not even sure I could have sex with a woman, but I am having the feelings I have when I have a crush on a man, and this has never happened. What do I do?

Dear Hetero-panic,

First things first, don’t panic. I know this is a very personal and complex situation full of a lot of emotions and confusion. It’s natural and perfectly normal to feel confused when your feelings aren’t aligning with how you’re accustomed to relationships with women forming. Attraction and feelings can be fluid and multifaceted.

You said this was a similar feeling to what you have had with a man. That doesn’t mean your sexuality has changed, but it might mean that you’re having a new kind of emotional attraction that you have never experienced before, and I can imagine how scary that might be. Take some time to reflect.  Sometimes our heart doesn’t play by the rules we have set in our minds. We fall in love with people sometimes, regardless of what kind of exterior they come in.

Coming to terms with being gay is an emotional process and having something happen that reawakens that process of discovery and of sharing with your friends and family can really rattle you, so give yourself space to process that.

When you’re ready, you should talk to her. She knows you’re gay. Have an open and honest conversation with her and see where it goes. You don’t have to act on these feelings but talking to her is going to help you both navigate this new relationship. It’s okay to be uncertain and to question your feelings. Many people experience changes in their emotional and sexual lives at various stages. Be kind to yourself. Whatever the outcome, you owe it to yourself to explore it. You don’t need to rush to a label. Just see where it goes. There are so many ways to love another person.

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John Porter is an entrepreneur and founding partner at Oasis Asset Management. He has served as a political organizer and strategist within the Democratic Party, as well as serving as an executive board member for the Miami Yacht Club.

The advice offered in this column is intended for informational purposes only. Use of this column is not intended to replace or substitute any financial, medical, legal, or other professional advice.