It’s cliché to say, but I always did get a bit of pleasure from the phrase “I live where you vacation”.

I loved rubbing the great weather, access to beaches, and variety of cultures in the faces of my friends and family from out of state. And although I’ve always wanted to see the world, when I imagine myself settling down, it’s here. Because of this, it’s been devastating to face the fact that I have to leave — and may not be able to safely return.

As I said, I always envisioned myself leaving the state to see the world and experience other ways of life. I started developing my “up and out plan” in my senior year of high school, plotting out the various paths I could take north and where I might settle for a time, considering states as close as Georgia or as far-flung as California. But regardless of where I wanted to visit, I always assumed that in four or so decades, I would return to the place that I’ve always called home.

Then, the first election of Donald Trump, a few months later, changed my plans a little.

As a Queer Black person, I’m no stranger to hatred. But the vitriol that Trump encouraged in his followers truly scared me. I cried when he won because, to me, it meant that our society was moving away from the acceptance and equality it claimed to uphold.

In the decade since his first election, we’ve only fallen further from those ideals.

I fear every day for the families of my classmates and my partner — for my own family, who are naturalized citizens but may be attacked or deported solely for their skin color or accents. I fear even more for the ones who are undocumented, or have loved ones who are.

I fear every day that I may not be able to marry the person I love and plan to spend the rest of my life with because same-sex marriage is at risk, and we may both be at risk due to our other queer identities.

I fear, too, for the beautiful beaches, natural parks, and our incredible wildlife under regimes that don’t believe in climate change and are willing to encroach on natural lands in the name of profit.

So, I’m leaving. I hope that someday I can safely return, but no matter where I go, I’ll still call Florida home.

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