Hi John, what advice would you give to meet friends? I’ve never been so lonely in my life. Depression is setting in. Thank you, John, for any help you can provide.

Dear new friend,

I can completely relate. Making new friends as an adult often feels at times to be more difficult than finding a partner, and can often involve the same insecurities and anxieties. When you add on the pressure of depression and not feeling your best, it can make it even more difficult. What you’re feeling is real and valid. Most people will say that you just need to get out there, but I have found that the more our society is focused on our phones, the less people look up from them. Going to a public place like a bar or coffee shop and expecting to connect with people doesn’t feel realistic these days.

I have social anxiety as a baseline, so I understand how tough this is. What has worked for me is finding things that I feel passionately about and looking for opportunities to volunteer in those spaces. Volunteering is a great way to meet people, do some good and get out of the house. If you’re an animal lover, volunteer at a shelter. You’re going to meet other folks who are also animal lovers, which gives you a baseline of commonality and place to build from. It’s also ok to want to do good and get something out of it, so no shame in sharing with your fellow volunteers that you’re also there to make friends.

It can be politics or environmental causes or a laundry list of interests, but the most important thing is to find something that speaks to you and show up as your full self. You’re not alone in feeling this way. There are so many people out there who are in the same situation. All grown up, and somehow your social circle has dried up. It happens. If volunteering isn’t for you, look for book clubs, or art classes or group paddleboarding. Whatever it is that you enjoy, there are other people who are looking for people just like you. Get out of the house, touch some grass, and find the people who are looking for you. I hope you find some comfort and connection in the coming weeks.

Have a question for John Porter? Fill it out HERE.

John Porter is an entrepreneur and founding partner at Oasis Asset Management. He has served as a political organizer and strategist within the Democratic Party, as well as serving as an executive board member for the Miami Yacht Club.

The advice offered in this column is intended for informational purposes only. Use of this column is not intended to replace or substitute any financial, medical, legal, or other professional advice.