Gay brothers, I sometimes fantasize about a group of us meeting regularly as 16-year-olds, led by a respected gay elder, and that we’d be visited weekly by mentors who talked about all aspects of gay life, from celebrating the feminine strengths of our male brains to the various ways men make love with one another. And we’d learn our history of contributions to the cultures in which we lived.
Lesbian and transgender friends, I wish the same for you, but you need to describe what your group would be like. It’s a wonderful exercise, as it helps focus attention on what would have been good to know growing up LGBTQ.
Rest assured, brothers that there are, in this fantasy, books, TV shows, and positive talks in school about the full spectrum of human sexuality from kindergarten forward, and when we’re 16 no one is concerned about the content of any group discussions. We’re young adults.
In this group, we’d feel very comfortable talking about our attractions with some of us saying we prefer older men, or others, boys our age, and for some, younger boys. We could share intimate details about our sexual fantasies, learn of the struggle of gay men in history, be cautioned about where we could be fully ourselves, and have explained how homosexuality is natural, and not a sin, for those of us who believed in sin.
Our gay elder would show us films, happy love stories with explicit intimacy, and have lots of gay books for us to read. He’d teach us how to give each other foot and hand massages to increase our freedom to touch, and he’d create an environment in which we could ask any question without self-consciousness.
I didn’t have such a group growing up, nor any positive messages or mentoring. I had to figure everything out on my own with great difficulty as an Irish Catholic. I ultimately did so, but only after drinking a bottle of turpentine and being fired for coming out publicly as gay. I made lots of mistakes in my early relationships and fumbled through sex, self-conscience that I was doing it wrong. Such a group, as described, would have made a huge difference in my life as a gay man.
Now, I’m ready to lead such a group, as I believe many of you are too, and to mentor gay youth on how to grow up emotionally healthy and happy. I especially want gay boys to know that they have special gifts of intuition, empathy, and perspective, and that they should always feel proud.
That’s what I imagine for the Parliament of Snowy Owl Elders, a group I created on Facebook that brings together gay men who see themselves as mentors with gold to share who look for every opportunity to make our wisdom available. There are no dues or secret handshakes. There is no initiation. We’ve all been baptized by fire.
