“Is gay sex easier than straight sex?”
The question was posed to me by a straight woman friend. A straight woman client had asked her.
They concluded, “Yes.”
I’d agree. Even given all the variables, I think there’d be less stress in the initial sexual experiences with a same-sex partner.
Men and women go into separate locker rooms, and more often socialize with the same sex. When they come together intimately, there’s more comfort in one’s role in gay sex.
Guys know what turns them on, and they’d know what turns on other men. Mutual masturbation should be stress free, although oral and anal sex for the uninitiated could cause anxiety.
When guys initially have sex with women, it will feel easy to experience their own orgasm, but anxiety about how to pleasure their partner. Do straight men talk with each other about the purpose and location of the clitoris? Do they know that many women fake an orgasm, feeling it’s their obligation to take care of the man’s feelings?
For both sets of couples, there can be anxiety about anal and oral sex, including cunnilingus and analingus. Having an erect penis enter your body through your anus can initially be painful, and out of bounds for many women. I’m one of those gay men who has never taken to it, although I think if I had a good mentor when I first came out that I’d more enjoy all aspects of gay sex.
Both sexes have to decide if they’re going to swallow semen after an oral-sex climax. But guys might have fewer hangups about doing something with other men. gay men fantasize about having oral and anal sex whereas that might be less likely with women. I imagine both straight women and men initially fantasize about intercourse. Even so, they begin with the feeling it’s their job to be dominant or submissive.
I count on the reports of my lesbian friends who were once heterosexually married. They say it was much easier to be with another woman than it was with a man. There were no roles they were expected to play, and no information they were expected to have. They knew from their own lives that orgasms were most easily accessed through the stimulation of their clitoris. They didn’t need to explain to their same-sex partner the purpose and location of the clitoris. It was easier to please their female partners because they knew what felt good to them.
My first same sex-experience was everything I wished for, but I was too screwed up by religion and by my Irish family’s expectation of modesty to be fully present. I wasn’t worried about doing the right thing, but rather if I should I be doing anything at all.
What sex is easier depends on numerous variables such as culture, religion, education, age, physical ability, sex drive, emotional health, sobriety, experience, and gender identity, among many others. Our hope for everyone is that their sex is pleasurable.
