“What do you guys do for fun?” our Service Dog trainer asked as he and I walked Sebastian.
“Just being together,” I replied.
“Do you like to go to concerts?”
“No, we’re pretty much home bodies. Fun for us is eating an early dinner on TV tables, watching a Netflix series.”
I think the same is true for many gay and lesbian, and straight couples too. We relax most when we’re with our best friend. It doesn’t matter what we’re doing – working in the garden, swimming with the dog, making the bed – there’s comfort in the security of looking over, even in occasional tense moments, and seeing the face of the person you love most in the world and who loves you the same.
When we were younger men, we hosted parties and went everywhere together – gay Pride Parades, concerts on the Esplanade in Boston, the display of the Quilt on the Mall in Washington, D.C. We’ve kayaked the Galapagos, climbed the Inca Trail to Machu Picchu, rode an elephant in Jaipur, and watched a lioness feed her cubs on an African safari. We’ve done as much as we could fit into our days and years, and it’s now time for us to sit back and enjoy seeing others have their turn at it, whatever “it” turns out to be. Hiking through the woods is pretty special when you know there are people like us who can’t do it anymore, or at least for a while.
Half of Americans live in fear of how their lives will be affected by another Donald Trump presidency. We’re part of that half, but we take some small comfort in knowing we’ve had full, happy lives together. We wouldn’t mind having another 20 years as husbands, and the answer will still be the same to the question, “What do you guys do for fun?”
“Just being together.”
There are people who ask, “What about me?” Their spouse of many years has just passed on. They’re living alone, in poor health, in an assisted living facility. They’ve never had one true love in their lives. “What do you do for fun?”
Having fun is a choice, even in the midst of what we see as depressing conditions. Given all the positive aspects of our lives, Ray and I still have to choose to focus on what makes us happy; what we consider to be fun.
Sometimes we all sabotage ourselves in our efforts to have fun. The two words that do so are “Yes, but…” The person living alone can find sources of fun in multitudes of ways. When I was alone in a city after a speaking engagement, I’d choose to go to a movie and eat popcorn rather than stay in my room. “Yes, but what if it rains, and I don’t have an umbrella?’
When we find ourselves sabotaging a possible source of fun, change “Yes, but..” to “Yes, and…”
