“I was grumpy tonight, and I regret it,” I said to Ray.
“You’re in pain,” he replied. “That was a long time to sit.”
We had been in a movie theater with 123 other gay and gray men watching “Plainclothes,” a good, new, gay film. All the assembled heads were either gray, bald, or dyed.
There are lots of reasons for us, and for dogs, cats, cows, and horses, among other creatures, to be grumpy. Lack of sleep, hunger, stress, anxiety, fear, and pain are a few of the many reasons we can have a short fuse, feel frustration, and irritability. Sitting for 20 minutes waiting for the movie to start can cause frustration even among the youngest, healthiest, and most centered of us.
In my own life, I’ve been most recently frustrated by poor hearing, the ongoing pain from back surgery and arthritis, short-term memory loss, fatigue, blurred vision during nighttime reading, and the overall anxiety and depression I feel living in and fearing a country in which I once felt safe and proud.
But I generally don’t sit still and whine, “Woe, is me.” I recently got hearing aids. I apply CBD cream to my lower back and shoulders; I take longer naps. I use moistening eye drops at night. And I work to see through the dread I feel for the future of the country.
We can choose not to be grumpy, because it not only ruins our day but also that of anyone within earshot of us. Complaining to Ray during the 20 minutes before the start of the film, I knew that doing so was not the man I seek to be. We can be grumpy about a cancelled flight, but we can also take a pass on expressing our frustration and anger.
One of the ways Ray and I help each other get past hurt or anger is to ask, “Is this that important?” Most people know that their time of being alive is limited and will end. So, it’s especially important to ask ourselves if our bad mood is worth the effort we’re putting into it. What’s the impact of it?
Instead, we can choose to smile and share loving kindness with our spouse, friends, and strangers in the movie theater or airport.
