Being Single Doesn't Mean Missing Out | Advice

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I'm a lesbian in my late 20s, and most of my friends are in serious relationships or getting married. I'm starting to feel left out and like I'm missing out on that part of life. How can I cope with these feelings and find fulfillment as a single person?

I totally get where you're coming from. It's understandable to feel a sense of longing or even envy when most of your friends are in committed relationships or getting married, especially in your late 20s, when societal pressures around coupling up can feel overwhelming. As a lesbian, you may also face additional challenges in finding a compatible partner within the LGBTQ community. However, it's important to remember that your worth and fulfillment in life are not defined by your relationship status. Seeing your friends paired up while you're still single can stir up all kinds of feelings – from FOMO to questioning if something's "wrong" with you. Believe me, I've been there, and it's not a fun place to be.

But here's the thing I wish someone had told me back then: it's crucial to challenge the notion that being single equates to "missing out" on life. While long-term partnerships can bring immense joy and companionship, they also come with their own set of challenges and compromises. As a single person, you have the freedom to explore your interests, passions, and goals without having to consider another person's needs or desires. Embrace this autonomy and use it to build a rich, fulfilling life on your own terms.

I know it's easier said than done, but try to resist the urge to compare your life to your friends' relationships. Instead of dwelling on what you don't have, focus on all the amazing things you do have – freedom, independence, and the ability to pour your time and energy into the things that light you up. Pursue hobbies, travel, volunteer, or take that class you've always wanted to try. Fill your life with experiences and people who make you feel alive and fulfilled.

And don't forget to lean on your support system – your chosen family, your LGBTQ community, and any other single friends who can relate to what you're going through. Surrounding yourself with people who build you up can work wonders for your confidence and self-worth. If feelings of loneliness or isolation persist, consider seeking support from a therapist or counselor who can help you work through these emotions in a healthy and constructive manner. We may be able to provide valuable insights and coping strategies to help you navigate this stage of your life with confidence and self-assurance.

At the end of the day, remember that your worth has nothing to do with your relationship status. You're a complete, amazing person all on your own, and when the time is right, the right person will come along and enhance the incredible life you've already built for yourself.

Queerly Beloved is an expertly curated column dedicated to the world of LGBTQ sex, intimacy and relationships that provides education, insights and actionable tips for the reader to enhance their pleasure journey. This column from Kelly Ghweinem, LCSW, will answer questions and provide advice to readers to deepen intimate connections, elevate pleasurable experiences, and empower people. Ghweinem is an established queer-affirming therapist and business owner who champions the LGBTQ+ community through activism and advocacy utilizing a queer, feminist, anti-racist lens. A University at Buffalo graduate, Kelly came to Fort Lauderdale from Manhattan in 2022.

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The advice offered in this column is intended for informational purposes only. Use of this column is not intended to replace or substitute any financial, medical, legal, or other professional advice.


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