I'm a bisexual woman who often feels erased in both the straight and LGBTQ communities. How can I find validation and acceptance in my identity?
First and foremost, it’s important to recognize that your feelings of erasure are valid and experienced by many bisexual individuals. Bisexuality, despite being a legitimate and significant sexual orientation, is often misunderstood, minimized, or even dismissed by both straight and LGBTQ communities. This phenomenon, known as bisexual erasure, can lead to feelings of invisibility and marginalization. Finding validation and acceptance in your identity as a bisexual woman is not only possible but crucial for your well-being and sense of self.
Bisexual erasure occurs when bisexuality is ignored, invalidated, or reduced to stereotypes. For example, in straight communities, a bisexual woman might be seen as “just experimenting” or “going through a phase,” especially if she’s in a relationship with a man. In LGBTQ spaces, there can be pressure to “pick a side,” and if a bisexual woman is in a relationship with a man, she may be perceived as less queer or not queer enough. This erasure can also manifest in media representations where bisexuality is seldom depicted, or when it is, it's often portrayed in a negative or hypersexualized manner.
The first step towards finding validation and acceptance is internal. It's essential to affirm your own identity, regardless of how others perceive it. Remember, your bisexuality is valid no matter who you are in a relationship with at any given time. Your attraction to multiple genders doesn't diminish or disappear because of your current relationship status.
One way to reinforce this internal validation is through positive affirmations. Daily reminders that “I am valid as a bisexual woman” or “My identity is real and legitimate” can help counteract the negative messages you may receive from others. Keeping a journal where you write about your experiences and emotions related to your identity can also be a therapeutic tool for self-affirmation.
Another crucial aspect of finding validation is connecting with others who share your experiences. Although it can sometimes feel like you’re alone, there are vibrant bisexual communities, both online and in-person, where you can find support and understanding.
Look for bisexual-specific groups or organizations. These communities are often more aware of the challenges faced by bisexual individuals and can offer a more inclusive and understanding environment. Online spaces, such as bisexual forums, social media groups, or even dating apps that cater specifically to bisexual people, can also be great resources. In these spaces, you can share your experiences, seek advice, and form connections with others who understand your struggles and triumphs.
Sometimes, the path to acceptance and validation also involves educating those around you. This can be particularly important in straight spaces, where bisexuality is often misunderstood. Having conversations with friends, family, and even partners about bisexuality can help challenge stereotypes and assumptions.
In LGBTQ spaces, advocating for bisexual visibility can also be empowering. This might involve participating in or organizing events that highlight bisexual issues, writing about your experiences, or simply being open and visible about your bisexuality. The more bisexual voices and stories are shared, the harder they are to ignore.
Dealing with erasure and invalidation can be emotionally draining, so it’s important to practice self-care. Surround yourself with people who affirm your identity and respect your boundaries. This might mean creating some distance from individuals or spaces that consistently invalidate your bisexuality.
Engage in activities that make you feel connected to your identity, whether that’s reading books by bisexual authors, watching films that portray bisexual characters positively, or engaging in creative expression that reflects your experiences. Therapy can also be a valuable resource, especially with a therapist who is knowledgeable about LGBTQ issues and can support you in navigating these challenges.
Finding validation and acceptance as a bisexual woman in a world that often erases bisexuality can be challenging, but it is achievable. By affirming your own identity, seeking out supportive communities, educating others, and practicing self-care, you can build a strong sense of self that resists the pressures of erasure. Remember, your identity is valid, and you deserve to be seen, heard, and respected in all your complexities.
Queerly Beloved is an expertly curated column dedicated to the world of LGBTQ sex, intimacy and relationships that provides education, insights and actionable tips for the reader to enhance their pleasure journey. This column from Kelly Ghweinem, LCSW, will answer questions and provide advice to readers to deepen intimate connections, elevate pleasurable experiences, and empower people. Ghweinem is an established queer-affirming therapist and business owner who champions the LGBTQ+ community through activism and advocacy utilizing a queer, feminist, anti-racist lens. A University at Buffalo graduate, Kelly came to Fort Lauderdale from Manhattan in 2022.
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The advice offered in this column is intended for informational purposes only. Use of this column is not intended to replace or substitute any financial, medical, legal, or other professional advice.
