Queer relationships shatter traditional stereotypes of gender roles — the sexist image of the sole breadwinner and the self-sacrificing homemaker doesn’t capture the full spectrum of human connection. Just as gender and sexuality span a wide range of identities, LGBTQ+ relationships embrace a diverse array of loving, dynamic partnerships that defy outdated expectations.
According to a 2019 study by the Yale School of Public Health, an estimated 83% of the world’s LGBTQ+ population are in the closet to most or all of the people in their lives. Ipsos’ 2024 Pride Survey displayed approximately; 17% of Gen Z, 11% of Millenials, 6% of Gen X, and 5% of Baby Boomers publicly identify as queer around the globe. If these numbers total 17% of the LGBTQ+ community being out of the closet, imagine the 83% remaining in the closet due to homophobia worldwide.
This month, I interviewed a lesbian couple who deal with being in the closet and being long distanced for part of the year while attending different universities.
For the purpose of this story, the false aliases of Jane Doe and Mary Major have been used in place of the featured’s names in order to protect their identities.
Jane Doe is a closeted black lesbian woman from South Florida. Doe is an undergraduate going to school in Northern Florida. Mary Major is a white bisexual woman from South Florida. Major is an undergraduate at Florida Atlantic University. Doe and Major are proudly dating, but with Doe in the closet and the couple attending different universities full-time, their relationship is an example that queer relationships exist regardless of homophobia.
“[Being in the closet] affects me more when I am back home since that’s where my family lives…,” said Doe. “Most of my friends know, and they are who I am surrounded by the most. It does affect me a bit when I am around my family because they are very conservative. The topic of homosexuality comes up more often than some may realize, and it does make me very uncomfortable, but I try to move past it. I would say the part that sucks the most, though, is knowing if I were to come out, I would not be accepted… because I truly do love my family.”
Major and Doe’s relationship is impacted when the two are in public.
“When there is any sort of PDA, I am always looking around to see if there is someone I know,” said Doe. “It makes me feel bad that I can’t give [Jane] affection openly, but it just makes me anxious knowing someone could be watching.”
Major doesn’t currently feel affected but has sympathy and compassion for her girlfriend and fear if the relationship takes a big step.
“[Jane being in the closet] doesn’t affect me that much in the present,” said Major. “I do feel bad that she’s not accepted by her family, and I do my best to support her. It is concerning that if I want to move forward in our relationship, the retaliation her family might have.”
Major and Doe stay connected even if the two are separated for most of the year — the key? Good communication.
“Since I can’t see my girlfriend most of the time, we have to rely on other ways to stay connected,” said Major. “Having good communication and to not overthink the same things. It does sometimes put a strain on things, but we make it work.”
Do you know what else is important in any relationship? Quality time and reassurance.
“My love language is quality time and physical touch, so it is a bit challenging,” said Doe. “We have found ways around it and to stay connected. It’s easier to get into fights and pick at the same small things when we are apart, which makes me need more reassurance.”
The couple remains strong and faces all problems that come their way — why? Love. Many members of the queer community can relate to Major and Doe. To those in a similar relationship, Doe has some advice.
“You need to find someone that is willing to work with these circumstances,” said Doe. “It takes a lot of patience and understanding to be with someone who isn’t out of the closet. For long distance, it is less about how often you call and text but more about how you spend your time with your partner. Overall, there is a lot more effort that needs to be put into maintaining a relationship when it is long distance.”
The many homophobic actions taken by the Trump Administration are frightening to the LGBTQ+ community. What do we do? We stop making jokes about leaving the country, and we stand strong and make our voices heard. Major has some advice for those struggling with the actions taken by our President.
“All I can say is to not give up and keep fighting,” said Major. “Also, don’t move out of the country!… We need to stay to make a difference!”
Major and Doe’s relationship is just one example on the spectrum of queer love — a powerful reminder that every story matters. Their journey shows us that love comes in many forms and faces its own challenges, yet each struggle only strengthens the bonds that unite us. As we celebrate these diverse narratives, let us honor every step forward and continue to rewrite the narrative of what love can be so outdated expectations remain in the past.
Sign up to receive the OutFAU newsletter here
