The quiet grief of divided families: the ache of watching trust crumble, love strain, and the people you once knew become strangers in the same room.

You know that knot in your stomach when you see a headline and think, “This can’t be real life”?

That quiet ache when a conversation with someone you love turns into a wall you can’t get past?

That sinking feeling when you realize the country you grew up believing in doesn’t feel like home anymore?

That feeling you feel is grief.

Not the kind you can mark with a funeral or a eulogy. This is grief for the living: grief for a country that no longer feels familiar, and for loved ones who are still here but somehow not the same. It is the loss of trust, of shared reality, of the world you thought you knew... and it hurts in ways that are hard to explain.

The Unfamiliar America

For many of us, the rise of MAGA politics has not simply been an election cycle we did not like. It has been a seismic cultural shift. We have watched cruelty become a political strategy. We have seen truth treated as optional, and integrity as weakness. We have seen faith, our faith, twisted into a weapon to divide and condemn rather than heal and reconcile.

The country we thought we knew, with all its flaws and unfinished work, now feels like a stranger. And as with any loss, there is shock, disbelief, anger, bargaining, and numbness.

The Personal Loss No One Talks About

Some of the deepest wounds are not about the country at large; they are about the people closest to us. A parent. A sibling. A lifelong friend. Someone whose voice used to be a source of comfort now shares conspiracy theories as if they were gospel truth. Someone whose character you once admired now speaks in ways that betray the values they taught you.

It is a grief that is hard to name because they are not gone. You still see them on holidays. They still text you on your birthday. But you can no longer be fully yourself with them. And every conversation feels like a negotiation between honesty and peace.

Psalm 55 captures this ache:

"If an enemy were insulting me, I could endure it; if a foe were rising against me, I could hide. But it is you, a man like myself, my companion, my close friend, with whom I once enjoyed sweet fellowship..." (Psalm 55:12–14)

Grief Comes in Waves

Like any grief, this comes in waves.

• Shock: How can they believe this?
  
• Anger: Why are they choosing cruelty over compassion?
  
• Sadness: I miss the person I thought they were.
  
• Withdrawal: It is easier just not to see them for a while.
  
• Bargaining: If I just avoid certain topics, maybe we can get back to how it was.
  

You may find yourself circling through these again and again. That is normal. It does not mean you are failing at forgiveness or lacking faith. It means you are human.

How to Cope Without Losing Yourself

1. Name it for what it is.
   You are not “overreacting.” You are grieving. Naming it is the first step toward healing.
2. Set boundaries, not walls.
   You can choose when and how to engage. Jesus Himself often withdrew to pray (Luke 5:16). Rest from conflict is not weakness.
3. Anchor yourself in truth.
   Fill your mind with scripture, stories, and voices that remind you of the goodness of God and the dignity of every person. Philippians 4:8 tells us, “Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure… think about such things.”
   
4. Find safe community.
   Grief is heavy when carried alone. Surround yourself with people who share your values and can speak life into your spirit.
5. Pray for them, and for yourself.
   Prayer does not mean excusing harm. It means entrusting them to God’s care and asking Him to guard your heart from bitterness. “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” (Proverbs 4:23)
   

Holding on to Hope

Jesus warned us that there would be times when “a man’s enemies will be the members of his own household” (Matthew 10:36). That is not a command to hate, but a recognition that following the way of love will sometimes put us at odds with even those closest to us.

And yet, the same Jesus who said that also prayed for His executioners. He never stopped inviting people back into truth.

You may not see reconciliation today, or this year. You may never see it in this lifetime. But our hope is not bound to election cycles or newsfeeds. Our hope is in the God who promises that the truth will set us free, and that love, real love, never fails.

If you are grieving today, know this: God sees you. He knows the pain of being betrayed by friends, of watching your people turn away from truth. And He is not far off. “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” (Psalm 34:18)

Hold fast to that. You are not alone.

– Father Rich Vitale