All they got from me today was a dribble. It is what it is. They told me it was okay; that it was enough.
I was on the phone with my college girlfriend who urged me to write my memoir. She was surprised that I was so laid back about the likelihood the publisher would edit out things I feel are important. The publisher knows its audience, and I’ve let go of control.
My college friend met me at age 20 when I projected great confidence, was highly competitive, and sought perfection. I don’t take pride in the change of my needing to be in control, but I’m delighted with it. I do my best, and then let go, as with the pee. I surprise myself quite often with my evolved soul. It didn’t happen on its own. I work on it daily, but it’s worth it because it’s so freeing.
When I read about the big mess in the House of Representatives, I reminded myself to let it go. Everything will work itself out if I play my small part. My part is not stirring the pot. I wrestle with it daily.
You know the song about “Let there be peace on earth and let it begin with me?” I was singing it while I swept up leaves today. My mind wandered back to 1971 when I stood in front of the Draft Board responding to their vigorous attempts to prove that I wasn’t a conscientious objector. “Wouldn’t you stop someone from raping your mother?” “Yes, but I wouldn’t kill them.”
I didn’t single-handedly end the War in Vietnam, but I let the peace begin with me. The best I could do was be true to my beliefs and have the courage to stand up for them.
What does any of this have to do with dribbling pee in a cup? It’s all about attitude. Experience has taught me to trust my instincts. Let go. Let go of my desire to please the lab technicians with a full cup of urine. Let go of my expectation that my manuscript for A Prince of a Boy is going through the editing process unchanged. Let go of my desire to score points with clever comments on politics and let go of my expectation that I can eliminate homophobia from the world.
Let it begin with me, and I will do my best, but then I have to let go. I love this phase in my development. It enables me to roll with whatever circumstances arise in my life, from financial challenges to deaths of loved ones, to puppy accidents in the house, to my body reminding me that its warranty is running out.
This is the same me from college but with a different way of experiencing and perceiving life, and I love it.
So together then, “Let there be pees on earth, and let it begin with me.”