When I have an “enemy” who was once a friend, I feel diminished. I recently became aware of the chaos in my soul, and it didn’t feel good. I felt stuck in old dramas that disturbed my sleep and troubled my day.
When I say “soul,” I’m talking about the window through which the light shines, the channel through which I hear whispers from my divine self. When my ego creates dramas, the window is smudged, and the channel has static.
This isn’t the way I want to spend the rest of my life, as if I’m dragging anchors. Beware! By engaging you in the telling of my drama, you’ll start dragging my anchors with me. Walk backwards, away from people who want you to take on their disappointments with others.
Believe it or not, this is not about the election and my imaginings of the hatred, feelings of betrayal, and desire for revenge that half of the country will have for the other half of the country. And the spiritual strife that will result will take a long, long time to heal, maybe as long as that which still lingers over the Civil War (1861-1865.)
No, I’m talking about old friends and relatives with whom I no longer have a feeling of closeness and whose behavior toward me felt like betrayal. It wasn't burning sage that helped me out of this hole, it was love. I reached out to one person and asked if we might start building a bridge to a new relationship. As I wrote, I knew that I mustn’t expect a response. If I clung to receiving one, I would suffer, as the Buddha advised.
Love is what I mentally sent to those who were the antagonists in my dramas, and sincere wishes that their lives would be full and happy. That was the only way I could move on, and not flinch emotionally when their names came up. These antagonists might also be dead, and I include them when I forgive and send love.
I know that these individuals don’t need me in their lives in order to be happy, nor can I assume that they’re even aware of the dramas, the prayers of forgiveness, and the hopes for a better future.
The result of this soul work is that I feel better about myself, I sleep better, and I enjoy the happy memories I have with these people. I like feeling like my old self by freely giving the gifts of forgiveness and love, acknowledging that this is a selfish exercise. It’s true that maybe I ought to be the one to ask for their forgiveness, and maybe I caused unnecessary stress by sending the note to the old friend who had probably moved on. That’s probably true, but I’m happy with myself for letting go. The window is clear, and the static is gone.
