Calling “Jurassic World Rebirth” (Universal) an unnecessary installment in a franchise that should, pardon the expression, go the way of the dinosaurs, might be a bit extreme.
Because where else can you see a quick close-up of Jonathan Bailey’s khaki-covered impressive lower region in a mountain climbing harness? Pretty sure we all know which scene will be paused the most when the movie arrives on streaming.
The “Jurassic” juggernaut, launched more than 30 years ago, has seen better days. The reawakening of the title probably has something to do with the absence of Gadsden flag t-shirt-wearing Chris Pratt and Bryce Dallas Howard’s limited acting abilities. There’s a whole crew of fresh faces in “Jurassic Word Rebirth” beginning with Big Pharma whore Krebs (Rupert Friend) who is looking to recruit people on a mission to a forbidden island where mutant dinos (designer-saurs, if you will), who slaughtered the humans that created them, may hold the key to human cardio health, and by extension a pharma fortune.
Krebs recruits mercenary Zora (Scarlett Johansson), who can be had for a substantial price. Krebs and Zora then make their way to Altoids-munching, museum-based paleontologist Dr. Henry Loomis (Bailey), who’s in a funk. Turns out, dinosaurs have lost their luster with the public (read: kids), and his exhibit is being dismantled and put into storage. He has the knowledge and equipment to get the necessary blood samples from the three different dinosaurs. He agrees to join them. Finally, Zora enlists fellow daredevil Duncan (Oscar-winner Mahershala Ali of “Moonlight” fame) and three of his crew members.
Traversing the same dangerous body of water is Reuben (Manuel Garcia-Rulfo), his young daughter Isabella (Audrina Miranda), her teenage sister Teresa (Luna Blaise), and Teresa’s goofy boyfriend Xavier (David Iacono). They survive a terrifying encounter with some aquatic dinosaurs and are then rescued by Duncan and company. But the worst of their nightmare has just begun when they all arrive on the island.
In a familiar Jurassic scenario, the bad guys get it good, a few innocents are sacrificed, and those who’ve earned the right to survive do so. But buried amidst the pile of bodies is a rebellious message of doing the right thing, when Loomis suggests that he and Zora hold onto the blood samples and use them for good (give them away) not evil (profit). It’s a nice touch in an otherwise bombastic, predictable, and boring movie.
Rating: C
