The footsteps fell behind you, keeping pace.
They were loud as an airplane, a few decibels below the beat of your heart. Yes, someone was following you, and you shouldn’t have let it happen. You’re no dummy. You’re no wimp. Read the new book, “The Cost of Fear” by Meg Stone, and you’re no statistic.
Ask around.
Query young women, older women, grandmothers and teenagers. Ask gay men, lesbians, and trans individuals, and chances are that every one of them has a story of being scared of another person in a public place. Scared – or worse.
Says Meg Stone, nearly half of the women in a recent survey reported having “experienced... unwanted sexual contact” of some sort. Almost a quarter of the men surveyed said the same. Nearly 30% of men in another survey admitted to having “perpetrated some form of sexual assault.”
We focus on these statistics, says Stone, but we advise ineffectual safety measures.
“Victim blame is rampant,” she says, and women and LGBTQ individuals are taught avoidance methods that may not work. If someone’s in the “early stages of their careers,” perpetrators may still hold all the cards through threats and career blackmail. Stone cites cases in which someone who was assaulted reported the crime, but police dropped the ball. Old tropes still exist and repeating or relying on them may be downright dangerous.
As a result of such ineffectiveness, fear keeps frightened individuals from normal activities, leaving the house, shopping, going out with friends for an evening.
So how can you stay safe?
Says Stone, learn how to fight back by using your whole body, not just your hands. Be willing to record what’s happening. Don’t abandon your activism, she says; in fact, join a group that helps give people tools to protect themselves. Learn the right way to stand up for someone who’s uncomfortable or endangered. Remember that you can’t be blamed for another person’s bad behavior, and it shouldn’t mean you can’t react.
If you pick up “The Cost of Fear,” hoping to learn ways to protect yourself, there are two things to keep in mind.
First, though most of this book is written for women, it doesn’t take much of a leap to see how its advice could translate to any other world. Author Meg Stone, in fact, includes people of all ages, genders, and all races in her case studies and lessons, and she clearly explains a bit of what she teaches in her classes. That width is helpful, and welcome.
Secondly, she asks readers to do something potentially controversial: she requests changes in sentencing laws for certain former and rehabilitated abusers, particularly for offenders who were teens when sentenced. Stone lays out her reasoning and begs for understanding; still, some readers may be resistant and some may be triggered.
Keep that in mind, and “The Cost of Fear” is a great book for a young adult or anyone who needs to increase alertness, adopt careful practices, and stay safe. Take steps to have it soon.
“The Cost of Fear: Why Most Safety Advice is Sexist and How We Can Stop Gender-Based Violence” by Meg Stone
c.2025, Beacon Press $26.95 232 pages
