I Want Monogamy. Help! | Advice

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The last three guys I dated wanted some sort of open relationship. The guy before that repeatedly cheated on me.

I WANT MONOGAMY. I tried being open with one of them for a few months, but it’s not for me. Another thought monogamy included threesomes. I’m jealous. I want to be his everything. I want my Prince Charming. I don’t want to share. Maybe I’m selfish? Or maybe I’m thinking about this all wrong. I feel like all gay couples are open these days. But I’m a romantic. I don’t want our date night to be in the back room of a sex club! Does monogamy exist anymore?

Paul – Hollywood, FL

Dear Desperate Monogamist,

If all the guys you end up with all want an open relationship, that’s not a coincidence. You’re the common denominator in all these situations. It sounds like the guys you’re going out with are being upfront about what they’re looking for, but you don’t seem to receive the message they’re sending. Jealousy is insecurity in action. When you say things like not wanting to share or wanting to be their everything, what you’re saying is, “I want to possess a person completely because I’m afraid.” You have two choices: you can either hear someone when they tell you what a relationship looks like to them and accept it, or let go of your prince charming fantasy. Monogamous relationships are absolutely possible in the LGBTQ community, but they’re not possible in a possessive way. Relationships come in all different shapes and forms, but the one constant that doesn’t work is possessiveness and insecurities expressed as jealousy. The most important love of your life will be with yourself. You won’t find a happy ever after with someone else until you find it with yourself. It sounds like the call is coming from inside the house. Reflect and reset. The right guy is out there, but some housekeeping is in order before you will find him.

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John Porter is an entrepreneur and founding partner at Oasis Asset Management. He has served as a political organizer and strategist within the Democratic Party, as well as serving as an executive board member for the Miami Yacht Club.

The advice offered in this column is intended for informational purposes only. Use of this column is not intended to replace or substitute any financial, medical, legal, or other professional advice.


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