He’s very good-looking, finds Ray and me to be handsome, says he is rich, and we could be too. He strongly hints at a “fiends with benefits” relationship. And he’s a con artist.
He wrote to me on Facebook saying he admired me and wanted to be close friends. As I’m always open to creating friendships, and all I had to lose was time and trust, I jumped into a flow of steady communication. He told me that at age 53, he didn’t have any close friends, and after reading my books felt that I had what it took to be a person he could share anything with.
I knew from the beginning that it was probably a scam, but I went along with it, deciding I didn’t care. I didn’t care if it was a fake name, fake photos, and fake story. I believe in the power of love to turn any life around. If he was real, great. If he wasn’t real, maybe I could help him become a friend anyway.
I know, I know, “You thought what?”
That’s who I am, and what I believe. Loving kindness can change hearts, minds, and behaviors. Soon, though, I experienced consistent pressure to have Ray and me invest in liquidity pools for crypto. I didn’t know what that meant, but I had Ray read all our Facebook messaging. “Tell him that we don’t have the money and it’s not the time our lives to invest in high-risk ventures.”
Mr. Sexy wasn’t happy with that answer, and he kept pushing. He ultimately said that if we didn’t invest money, he didn’t want to be friends. I left the door open a couple more days and then let go. Today, on Facebook, I saw that he had posted another provocative picture of himself, laid out on flat rocks in a moving stream. He didn’t get any bites from me, so he threw another baited hook into the water.
When I noticed that the person in question shared one friend with me, I contacted Mike Balaban, a great recorder of gay men’s lives. He urged me to be cautious because the same mystery man carried on the same correspondence with him. Mike told me that there are several younger men, posing to be gay, who are preying on older gay men in a well-organized and financed scam.
I wanted this man to be authentic, just as I wanted our friends who borrowed and spent all of our money to be authentic, and the young woman who pretended to be a teenager in trouble to be authentic. The great thing about age and experience is that when things aren’t authentic, they don’t take the same toll.
I share this story not with regret but with caution to others. This is the modern-day version of the handsome stranger, knocking on your door and asking to sleep in the barn. Suddenly, you’re in the hay and discover you’ve lost your life savings.
