Don’t you just hate it when a movie has a stellar cast, including two Oscar winners (Cate Blanchett and Alicia Vikander), but doesn’t quite know what to do with them? Or it puts them through humiliating sequences far below their status and acting abilities. Such is the case with “Rumours” (Bleecker Street), co-directed by Evan Johnson, Galen Johnson, and Guy Maddin (!), a sort of Wes Anderson meets Ari Aster mash-up that somehow isn’t funny or scary enough.
The Germany-set G7 summit, held at a site that is alternately described as a chateau, a palace, and a castle, at which these bumbling world leaders have congregated, to create a statement to deal with a presently unnamed crisis affecting the globe and its residents, feels doomed from the start. German chancellor Hilda (Blanchett), acting as the host, is tightly wound. That is, until she eventually gets it on with hot, brooding, and scandal-embroiled Canadian Prime Minister Maxime (Roy Dupuis).
Naturally, this doesn’t sit well with UK Prime Minister Cardosa (Nikki Amuka-Bird), who slept with Maxime at an earlier summit. Then there’s the remaining clueless cluster, including the ancient, pompous POTUS Edison (Charles Dance, whose British accent is never explained); ridiculous Italian Prime Minister Antonio (Rolando Ravello), with his suit jacket pockets full of a selection of Italian meats; harmless Japanese Prime Minister Tatsuro (Takehiro Hira), and the useless French President Sylvain (Denis Ménochet).
Following an elaborate and boozy dinner in a gazebo on the grounds, where an archeological dig involving the unearthing of bog people is also taking place, a series of shocking discoveries occurs. First, the entire staff at the venue has vanished. Second, the bog people have suddenly come to life and are involved in various acts of sexuality and evacuation. Third, European Commission President Celestine (Vikander) is discovered in the woods, alongside a giant human brain, mumbling incoherently in Swedish.
Whatever the crisis these world leaders gathered together to address will have to wait, as the summit has shifted to being one about survival. Not that any of them had the ability to address the original crisis at hand.
When cellular service is suddenly restored, the leaders find themselves being summoned back to the main meeting site by a mysterious person called Astrid. It is at this point that “Rumours” takes on the task of making a statement about artificial intelligence.
A good 30 minutes too long, “Rumours” almost saves itself in the finale, but by that point, as the world is going up in flames, you might wish that these characters would have ingested the cyanide tablets included in their G7 swag bags, alongside the bag of potato chips, the water bottle, and the silver emergency blanket.
Rating: C-
