I'm in a long-term relationship with my girlfriend, but I've recently developed feelings for someone else. How do I handle this without jeopardizing my current relationship?

Developing feelings for someone else while in a long-term relationship can be a confusing and emotionally complex experience. It's not uncommon, and it doesn't necessarily mean that there's something wrong with your current relationship. However, how you choose to handle these feelings will be critical in maintaining trust and connection with your partner.

The first thing to do is to take a step back and assess your feelings. Attraction to other people can happen, even in the healthiest of relationships. It’s important to distinguish between a fleeting crush and something more serious. Reflect on what these new feelings mean to you. Are they pointing to unmet needs in your current relationship, or are they simply a natural response to encountering someone new? Understanding the root of these feelings can help you decide the best way to move forward.

Next, it’s essential to think about the boundaries and agreements you and your girlfriend have established in your relationship. Every relationship has its own set of expectations regarding fidelity, and it’s crucial to honor those. If you and your partner have an understanding that emotional or physical connections with others are off-limits, then it’s important to respect that agreement.

Communication will be key here. While it might be tempting to keep your feelings to yourself, especially if you haven’t acted on them, transparency is often healthier in the long run. If you feel that these feelings are affecting your relationship or your behavior toward your girlfriend, it may be worth having a conversation. This doesn’t mean you need to confess every detail, but discussing how you’re feeling in a way that focuses on your relationship and your commitment to it can help bring you both closer.

It’s also important to consider how you would feel if the roles were reversed. If your girlfriend developed feelings for someone else, how would you want her to handle it? This perspective can guide you in approaching the situation with empathy and care.

If you find that these feelings are persistent or causing distress, it might be helpful to seek support from a therapist. A therapist can provide a neutral space to explore your emotions and help you navigate the complexities of your situation without jumping to conclusions or making impulsive decisions that could jeopardize your relationship.

In some cases, developing feelings for someone else can highlight areas in your current relationship that need attention. It might be an opportunity to reinvest in your relationship, reignite the passion, or address any underlying issues that you and your girlfriend have been avoiding. This process can actually strengthen your bond if approached with honesty and a desire to grow together.

Ultimately, handling these feelings without jeopardizing your current relationship requires self-awareness, open communication, and a commitment to the relationship you’ve built. By approaching the situation with care and thoughtfulness, you can navigate this challenging experience while maintaining the trust and connection that are the foundation of your partnership.

 Queerly Beloved is an expertly curated column dedicated to the world of LGBTQ sex, intimacy and relationships that provides education, insights and actionable tips for the reader to enhance their pleasure journey. This column from Kelly Ghweinem, LCSW, will answer questions and provide advice to readers to deepen intimate connections, elevate pleasurable experiences, and empower people. Ghweinem is an established queer-affirming therapist and business owner who champions the LGBTQ+ community through activism and advocacy utilizing a queer, feminist, anti-racist lens. A University at Buffalo graduate, Kelly came to Fort Lauderdale from Manhattan in 2022.

For more information on their practice, visit www.velvetcollective.org.

The advice offered in this column is intended for informational purposes only. Use of this column is not intended to replace or substitute any financial, medical, legal, or other professional advice.