Dear John,
I don’t know what has happened to me, and I’m embarrassed to ask my friends.
My libido has disappeared, and I don’t know what to do. It started around the time I turned 44 and has continued to deteriorate. I used to be insatiable, but now I have to put work into it, and I’m afraid it will never return. I’m scared to date because I worry it will be a problem for a potential partner. What should I do?
– Anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
First and foremost, there is no reason to be embarrassed, and you’re definitely not alone. Men over the age of 40 are three times more likely to experience lowered libido and erectile dysfunction. Many factors can contribute to a decreased libido or erectile dysfunction, such as COPD, diabetes, and vascular diseases among some. The most common is reduced testosterone, which is very treatable. Start with your doctor. Be honest and have your doctor do a complete workup to ensure there isn’t an underlying health issue. Your doctor can review all the options for supplementing medicines/therapies that can help get you back on track. You may never be the insatiable 20-year-old you once were, but sex after 40 can be great. It’s like the saying, “I’m not as good as I once was, but I’m good once as I ever was.” Don’t let your ego stand in the way of a future of great sex. Get the help you need so you can get back to enjoying every man’s best friend.
Dear John,
Thirty-five years ago, I was seeing this guy named Stephen. We saw each other for about four months, and I was really starting to fall for him. We spent a lot of time together and even the night with each other. One day, I discovered he was married and had two small children. When we met, he said he was single and had no kids, so he lied. Today, I received a friend request on social media, and I knew it was him immediately. I could never forget his eyes and that smile. I didn’t accept the request because he lied to me and broke my heart, but I am questioning if I made the right choice. Should I contact him?
- Kevin California
Dear Kevin,
None of us are the person we were last year, let alone 35 years ago. Try to step back and look at where he may have been at that time. Our coming out journeys are individual and sometimes take longer than others. You felt a connection because he has stayed with you for 35 years, so what do you have to lose? I’m not saying it’s time to reserve a U-Haul, but what could it hurt to message him and see where he is at in his life? Don’t spend the rest of your time wondering what would have happened.
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John Porter is an entrepreneur and founding partner at Oasis Asset Management. He has served as a political organizer and strategist within the Democratic Party, as well as serving as an executive board member for the Miami Yacht Club.
